Three years ago today I was five months pregnant with my Scout and dear Grandma Tuckett passed away at the young age of sixy-nine. I wish my children, and even Ben could know her as I know her, and who she still is- Up there in heaven.
Someday.
I have been thinking about her all day today.
And how wherever she was there seemed to be mischief, laughter, and life in all its real forms.
I miss her terribly.
When we found out Grandma had cancer we started the rollercoaster ride so many have been through before when dealing with the implications of the future.
I was reading my journal entries from this difficult time.
These entries and excerpts capture it best:
03/13/05
"I don't know if my grandma is dying. Something tells me she is fighting inside. This weekend when I hugged her she felt so small and tender. Her eyes are different now. She looks at everyone so differently.
One more minute.
My Grandma doing a tap dance, riding her bike, playing jax, red shoes, red earings, red socks, bubble gum, nursing an animal - Classic
My Grandma- Full of life- She's holding on to every moment. I'm holding on to every memory. And together we are praying and holding on to the right now.
Love changes everything- Or so I have been shown by my short, blue-eyed, spunk drenched, hilariously celebrated Grandma."
"Ben and I went to Idaho to see Grandma Tuckett in the hospital-
We knew she was dying-
When Grandma touched my tummy Scout kicked. . . The veil seemed thin. . . She was at the end of her life, my baby was at the beginning, and I was, and am, somewhere in the middle. I felt a great responsibility in that moment.
On Sunday October twenty-thrird I lost my grandma. . . But I know she is not truly lost. I know where she is. But that doesn't keep me from longing and missing her and what she is.
I worry about Grandpa- His pal is gone for now, and I cry about his pain-
What are you doing Grandma?
Are you looking over my shoulder helping me along? I know you are someone's angel- You are still mine. . . I love you. I miss you.
Thank Heaven you knew what living meant.
Thank Heaven for you. My Grandma.
My Friend."
Knowing that the Savior was resurrected, how can we not shout for joy? For he made it possible that we might be with them again.
We might be with them again.
8 comments:
Brooke, The few times I was around your grandma I just loved her. She was always so fun and there was always a "NEW" animal to show us and we were so excited! She always had cookies and treats for us in the kitchen with her pet monkey on her shoulder or flying around the kitchen! That was a beautiful tear-jerking tribute! You have a beautiful way with words! Love you!
Brooke, We spent alot of time with your Grandma and family when we were younger. Your Grandma was and is a wonderful lady. Your Grandma Tucket and Your Grandma Barker were special friends for lots and lots of years. We all have wonderful thoughts of Mary and all of her animals, her cute little country store and the smiles and hugs she always had for everyone. Your tribute to your grandma is wonderful. She is definitely smiling down from Heaven. Love you Brooke!
Thank you for sharing your feelings about your grandma. It is so touching. I admire your strength and faith. I got chills when I was reading it. Keep her alive in memories and your children will know her. Her great qualities sound a lot like your great qualities so she can live in you. HUGS to you!
This is Kari Ann, Toni told me you had a blog so I sneaked over from Jay and Tammi's. You are so cute! Your girls are getting big and more and more beautiful! Hope all is well! Sorry about your Grandma, she sounds great!
Brooke--
Thanks for leaving another comment on my blog. I do remember you commenting (and being happy that you did), but I obviously failed in my intention to come and comment on your page.
I loved reading this post, and reading your writing. I think the photos are tender. I have thought about the relationships that I have with my grandparents and how I can possibly convey to my children how special they are (here or there when they are gone), how they will possibly ever know how dear those people are to me.
Thank you for sharing something so tender.
Brooke,
What a nice blog and a wonderful post about your Grandma. She sounds wonderful. I am so glad that you found me. Please put me on your blog roll. I would be so flattered! I am so glad to hear from you. Your family is beautiful!
P.S. Can I get your email address?
ok, I am offically an idiot! I found it on my very own blog. I promise I did read that. I am tired tonight...
Talk to you soon!
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